How many of you still have your old gaming systems? I got my Super Nintendo when I was 10 years old. I had to beg for it, for some reason, my mom didn’t want me to have a gaming console, but when I did get one, SHE was the one that bought it. Now at age 34 (yes, I am 34 as of June 12th this year), my trusty SNES not only STILL works, but it’s barely even discolored. It’s finally started to show around where the controllers plug in, and I think one of my controllers is slightly discolored, but you’ll miss it if you’re not looking closely. That was a magical Christmas. That year I got my SNES that came with both Super Mario World AND Super Mario Kart, and about 3-4 other games, a Game Boy with the Handy Boy accessories, and a few games for that, too. Some of the games which to this day, I still haven’t beaten.
We moved from Texas to North Carolina when I was 12, and I remember my mom taking me to Blockbuster (can you handle all this throwback goodness tho?) and she got a game for me to rent. I picked the Lion King. I can’t remember, nor am I sure I WANT to remember how much time I spent trying to beat that damn game. I must have liked it enough, because my mom got me my own copy for keeps. The first level isn’t that bad. And I’m pretty sure it was done that way, to lure the player into a false sense of security. The “fun” begins when you get here:
When I first started playing this game, I learned the hard way that if you stand on the giraffes’ heads for too long, they tilt their heads to knock you off, and apparently Simba’s ass can’t swim, so you die if you fall in the water. I would like to point out that the one nice thing about this game, is that the levels aren’t timed, so at least you don’t have to worry about all of the game’s B.S., AND a time limit. I guess Nintendo had at least a shred of something resembling a human soul on that account.
Every so often I revisit my old games and play them, usually Super Mario World because it’s my favorite game on this system. It’s been a LONG time since I played The Lion King, so I decided I hated myself enough to pop this in, and not even 10 minutes into playing, I was dropping f-bombs like it was World War II. Since then, I think Simba and I have both been giving serious thought to our life decisions.
*Side note: How is it that the giraffes had a problem with Simba standing on their heads while the rhinos couldn’t have cared less about him literally swinging off of their asses?? Seriously, you can stay there and swing for eternity if that’s what you want to do. Meanwhile, the giraffes are all high and mighty. I mean, LOOK at them.*
I remember loving how they really turned the movie into a game. After the “Can’t wait to be King” level, you go through the elephant graveyard (“Be Prepared”), the wildebeest stampede, then Hakuna Matata. Oh Hakuna Matata, where you battle jumping spiders, spitting frogs, a pain in the ass waterfall, all to get to a giant gorilla who can and WILL bitch slap you while he acts like he’s innocently eating a banana.
He also throws coconuts at you, and apparently the makers of this game decided that bouncing coconuts actually sound like metal paint cans. From there, you magically grow up and can start doing some bitch slapping of your own as adult Simba, and even throw a cheetah or two. After braving lava geysers, a maze of caves with hyenas who seem to be tired for no reason (or maybe they’re starving, hmmm…), you get to the last level with Scar. Try not to get fried by lightning as you confront him three different times, similar to the aforementioned gorilla in the Hakuna Matata level. Once you toss his triflin’ tail over the cliff, you can restore order to the Pridelands, roaring like the beast you are.
I got to a point where I had beaten this game so many times, it wasn’t even funny. But after not having picked it up for a good long time (I’ve probably played it once or twice at some point between my 20’s and 30’s), I clearly felt like punishing myself. This game also came out on the Sega Genesis, and people talk about the two versions like there’s a difference between them. I didn’t have a Genesis as a kid, but I have one now, so I might have to track down a copy and play for myself.
Old school games, what would we do without them? See ya next time! ❤